6.02.2010

on being a mommy

My babies are growing up so quickly.

I was folding laundry tonight and got a little sappy thinking about how little their clothes are now and how big they will soon be.  I want to fold little bitty tights for forever. I don’t want them to grow up.

It makes me cry to think that I haven’t taken full advantage of these little years. 

Being a mommy to little ones is a constant and often exhausting job. Not exhausting in the sense that it is the hardest job out there – I am beyond thankful that I get to be home with my kids and never wish to complain about my ‘job’ – but exhausting in that I am always on. There is always someone to assist or entertain or comfort or discipline. Not a lot of time to be quiet with my own thoughts or to start and finish a task in one sitting. 

Tonight I was cleaning and re-arranging downstairs as the boys played {wonderfully} upstairs.  I so appreciated the few moments to get things done, all the while knowing that they were destroying the playroom and that I would soon have to focus on cleaning that room.  It never ends.

And, honestly, sometimes I want it to. 

Sometimes I want to just stay in bed.

Sometimes I want to take a shower without interruption.

Or eat my breakfast first.

{ooooh, I’m sounding terribly selfish – please tell me you understand}

I want to listen to my music rather than Psalty.

I want to go shopping and actually try things on instead of just buying blindly and bringing them home to try on {and then, inevitably, returning most of it because nothing fits}.

I want to clean the floors and have them stay that way longer than 30 minutes.

But do I really? Is a life of focused shopping and cleanliness and sleeping in really better?

I’ve had so many friends and acquaintances struggle with infertility and it always makes me stop and think.  We are so fortunate to have our four children.  There are many who don’t have any and would give anything to have just one, and here I am with four and whining about how they disrupt my breakfast.

If you are a mommy, I know you know how I feel. We love our babies, but could use a break.  For a week. Preferably at a tropical location.

While I sometimes feel a bit overwhelmed by this enormous task of raising kids {all the while maintaining a healthy marriage, hobbies and friendships} I want to remember to cherish these times with my darlings. 

My silly boys who make horses out of wrapping paper tubes and play knights {with only one costume, hence the shirtless knight}.

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Sweet little voices that sing songs to their baby sister.

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Little innocent eyes.

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These goofy kiddos who think making silly faces is one of the greatest pastimes ever.

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And, of course, their complete sweetness as they sleep.

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They are wonderful kids and I have the great honor of being their mommy. I hope I am doing a good job … and I hope I can take time every day to just enjoy where we are at {however dirty and disorderly it may be}.

16 comments:

  1. I get it, and I don’t judge. It’s easy to get overwhelmed in the day to day task of raising children. I know what you mean about always being “on.” Thanks for the reminder to take it all in because they don’t stay little for long.

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  2. awesome post...honesty/transparency is so good. I can TOTALLY identify..i am going on a girls weekend on saturday (overnight) and i feel so guilty we are going to the chidlren's museum today and swimming tomorrow and yes i have promised to return home with gifts. Being on constantly is hard..i mean really even in the middle of the night...and i went through infertility so i get it ..the blessing part but still feel so tired sometimes...its like double guilt because they are infertility miracles..little breaks and being honest helps..and the pure joy of them sure helps too!;; keep up the good blogging emily!

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  3. Great post! so true. Little's are a lot of work. I'm always amazed that if I am away just for a day how much i miss them. The are so apart of a mommy's soul.

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  4. Such a touching post Emily. I so wholeheartedly agree with everything you said. It's good to know we're not alone with these feelings. I try to stay in the moment, but it's definitely hard sometimes when I'm thinking about what needs to be cleaned or what project to tackle next. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.

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  5. I so get this. In fact, I wanted to write about it this morning, but both of my kids needed attention and I felt guilty for wanting to have fifteen minutes of alone time to hear myself think. It's funny that you mentioned infertility- Maxwell and Ella are IVF babies...our miracles. But because of that, I have an even greater guilt when I feel overwhelmed- or even, annoyed. And tired. And sometimes lonely. I see this gift I was given and think of how selfish it is to dwell on the sacrafice of motherhood. Then I look at Moms who have four kids, five kids, and I think how simple it should be for me to have twins. But everytime it comes back to a heart of thankfulness for this blessed life. Anyway, thanks for your honesty. I hear you :) And I love you blog.

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  6. This is beautiful Emily! I feel the SAME way! I was just telling my husband last night how I need a vacation! :)

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  7. What an honest and very much appreciated post! I couldn't agree more about the times you just want to be alone but then feel a little guilty for feeling that way. I try to remind myself that they'll only be young once but I appreciate your kind reminder.

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  8. I completely know what you are talking about! Sometimes you just want to finish something without stopping 100 times through the process!

    I gave you an award on my blog. You can go by and pick it up, just go ahead and save the award pic to your computer and then follow my lead!

    ~Megan
    http://littleblueprints.blogspot.com/2010/06/award.html

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  9. You are not alone. I only have one and can't IMAGINE four little ones, but I completely understand being "on" and ready all the time.

    Thanks for always being honest and open. Your posts always seem to come when I need to know that there's someone else out there dealing with the same stuff.

    Have a great week!

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  10. Moms get this. You are not alone.
    And it helps the rest of us remember that when you say it out loud. Thanks!
    Http://www.farmerstrophywife.com

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  11. Oh I so understand and relate though I only have 1 and you have 4! I am trying to start a business so I can be home and then we can have more kids but at the end of the day I am so exhausted I can not move. I know that I am lucky for a beautiful daughter but I do not remember the last time I took a bubble bath and read a book!

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  12. I'm with you, Emily! I find that we get caught up in the rush, rush, rush of day to day and I don't get to appreciate those special moments...like my oldest, Maddie told me the other day, "Mommy, I love you six pounds!" It was soooo sweet, I couldn't believe that she had come up with something so creative!

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  13. Oh, Emily, this is such a well written post and speaks to me so much more than you can imagine. As a full-time working mom to a 2 year-old, considering the very real possibility of wanting to have another soon, I can relate to this post so much. Motherhood is a juggling act, isn't it? Thank you for putting into words so artfully the thoughts and feelings of so many mothers.

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  14. I know how you feel. I feel this way too! Your children are adorable, by the way.

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  15. Thanks for such an honest & heartfelt post. We struggled with infertility for several years & now have an wonderful & amazing 9 mo. old son. It is hard trying to do it all, especially when you work from home.

    Holly - I totally relate to the double guilt. Even on the hardest days of motherhood, I feel guilty uttering or thinking a single complaint because of how long we waited for him.

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  16. i completely understand. also, she is BEAUTIFUL! wow!

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